Archive for July, 2009

Top 3 Songs to Dance Naked To

1) “Got to Give it Up” by Marvin Gaye
2) “Benny & The Jets” by Elton John
3) “Don’t Stop ‘Til…” by Michael Jackson
Posted by Blob
@ Blob

#3 “Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough” by Michael Jackson

Oh, Michael. Seriously: watch the video for this song and tell me the urge to just rip your shirt off and kick a leg out isn’t absolutely uncontrollable. I haven’t really mourned the loss of Michael Jackson to this point because honestly, he was pretty fucking weird.. But after watching that clip, you could say I legitimately miss this stuff. He certainly never lacked the ability to entertain.

#2 “Benny & The Jets” by Elton John

This was the first song that I truly idolized growing up, so I’m sure I’ve done this number in the buff a few times in my day; thanks for this one, Dad! Really, though.. Elton John was sort of a pimp at this point of his career, wasn’t he? I know he’s gay but he was still probably doing a ton of Pang (Yo’s) and getting down with a lot of groupies back then. I always envisioned it that way.

#1 “Got to Give it Up” by Marvin Gaye

It still sucks to see video footage of Marvin Gaye looking so soulful during his live performances and think about how he had to go.. And if there were to be only 1 song to remember him by, this would be it for me. It’s not quite “What’s Going on?”- there’s obviously no political statement here.. This is about getting down. Like, naked with a toothbrush getting down.

Your Thoughts?

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Top 3 Board Games of All-Time

1) Monopoly
2) Risk
3) Scrabble
Posted by Blob
@ Blob

#3 Scrabble

Other than Risk, Scrabble really is the “I’m Better Than You” game of our lifetime (and many before us), making it a mainstay of every “Best of…” conversation you can have about Board Games. Think you’re going to strategically block that Triple-Word Score?? Not when I combo “Xi”, “Zits”, “Ai” and “Za” for a whopping 225 pts.! Seriously though, let me take this opportunity to say that Facebook Scrabble clearly ruined this game for the rest of eternity. Nobody should be able to throw down the aforementioned two-letter words or something like “Vug” and be able to legitimize it with the highly questionable (yes, I said it) Scrabble Dictionary. Bullcrap, I tell ya!

#2 Risk

I can’t even think about this game without getting my undies in a bunch, in both good & bad ways. On one hand there is nothing like out-smarting your opponent with a completely randomized mode of attack like Dice.. Conversely, it is absolutely heart-wrenching to have 20 of your troops succumb to an army of 3 because you just can’t catch a break. Still, I love the degree of manipulation that occurs in every 6-hour saga that is sure to ensue during a game of Risk. “What are you attacking me in Brazil for?! You really want her to win?! She’s clearly going to attack you form the other side if you do that! Ahhh, World Domination is awesome. Just don’t fucking knock me out. Ever.

#1 Monopoly

Here it is: The grandpappy of all Board Games. I love Monopoly for a lot of the same reasons that I dig Risk: once the properties begin taking shape there are always some twisted ways to go on with the game. I, for one, prefer to strike deals that will clearly upset somebody else and then make it up to them by doing something like giving them a free night’s stay at Marvin Gardens or North Carolina Avenue. “Oh, you don’t want to give up that Railroad?? Well how was your stay last night? Was the bed comfy enough for you? It’s actually a miracle if somebody doesn’t flip the board playing with me.. But I guess that’s just what Monopoly does to you!

Your Thoughts?

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Top 3 NES Games

1) Zelda
2) Final Fantasy
3) Metroid
Posted by Rick Jeffrey
@ Rick Jeffrey

Right, so… I realized as I thought about this that whatever list I came up with would automatically be dismissed by almost everyone who reads it. Classic NES is quite possibly the greatest video game system of all time and everyone has their favorites. Also, the nostalgia factor is HUGE here. Try telling anyone who grew up in the 80’s that Labyrinth and The Goonies were both awful movies and see how long it takes for you to get the shit beaten out of you. If I made a list of the top 3 Juicy Juice flavors I would expect to see the same kind of controversy.

So DuckhuntFan69, this one goes out to you. Please don’t mail me a human head just because Spy Hunter isn’t on my goddamn list. All that being said here is my list of the Top 3 NES Games.

#3 Metroid

Metroid was the first game I ever owned. It is also the first game that made me take a video game controller and try to embed it into my living room wall. It had everything. You got new powers as you went along (who didn’t love being able to freeze enemies in place and then roll into a ball and bomb the hell out of them?) and the final boss was a giant brain. Last but not least, at the end of the game you found out that you were actually a chick the whole time. Thanks for causing massive amounts of gender confusion to an entire generation, Samus Aran.

#2 Final Fantasy

Released in mid 1990, this game was a last ditch attempt by a then-bankrupt Squaresoft to go out in one last blaze of glory, hence Final Fantasy. And it worked. Imagine a bomb going off in a major U.S. city. Except instead of a bomb it’s a fantasy role-playing adventure the likes of which had never been seen. And instead of a major U.S. city it’s actually your goddamned living room. Seriously, this is the game that created a market for the RPG in the United States. It had a badass story, magic, addictive turn-based gameplay, and it started one of the most popular video game franchises of all time.

#1 Zelda

Cmon. Do it. I fucking dare you to argue with me on this one. You knew as soon as you popped in that gold cartridge that shit was about to get awesome. From the music that you just had to hum along with, to the amazing boss battles, to the heart beat-bleep that signaled you needed to eat a faerie or die, this game owned everything. Sure there were times when you got so pissed at those armor plated baddies that you bitch-slapped your brother while wearing a Power Glove, but it didn’t matter. You were right back to playing 10 mins later. Contra, Mario, Castlevania? This game eats them up, drinks a double espresso and farts them out after. This was the greatest NES game of all time.

Your Thoughts?

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Top 3 Flavored Ices

1) Orange
2) Purple
3) Pink
Posted by Blob
@ Blob

After sitting down with a couple of these during a muggy New Jersey evening it was clear that this had to be done. Nobody I was with was able to completely agree on a list, anyway.. Everyone seems to have their own reasons for why one is better than the other. And I can’t even really back these up either- they seem to have a little less syrup in them, maybe? Blue & Green lose out based on that criteria alone. These flavors just come off as more refreshing and awesome to me.

Your Thoughts?

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Top 3 Group Shots to Do at a Bar

1) Tequila
2) Kamikaze
3) Surfer on Acid
Posted by Blob
@ Blob

In light of the mild insanity that ensued during a trip to see Junior Boys in Manhattan this weekend, I’d like to showcase a favorite activity of everybody on the face of the planet: The Group Shot.

Tequila absolutely has to be #1 on this list because of the many varied reactions you are bound to receive when you suggest doing a round of these.. You almost always have at least 1-2 people that will turn it down for fear of throwing up, 1-2 people that cannot wait to suck it down, and then the rest of the group who unwillingly try to finish it without gagging at the bar. It doesn’t matter which shelf you grab it from, the Tequila shot is immortal for its ability to get everybody destroyed.

The Kamikaze shot could be considered a bit “girly” by some insecure individuals, but the fact of the matter is that while it does contain a 1/4 Oz. serving of Triple Sec, the Kamikaze still gets the job done due to the fact that its Vodka content is enough alcohol to give you an edge. Add a squirt of lime juice and you probably have the easiest, most widely-liked shot in the world.

Surfer on Acid gets the surprise nod here for the same reasons that the Kamikaze does: its delicious and still manages to get you shitfaced. In this case, it’s 1/2 Jager, 1/2 Malibu Coconut Rum, and a dash of Pineapple Juice. Now who the hell doesn’t want that?

Your Thoughts?

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Top 3 Back-to-Back-to-Back Albums of All-Time

1) The Beatles 1966-1968
2) Bob Dylan 1965-1966
3) Rolling Stones 1968-1971
Posted by Digital-Derek
@ Digital-Derek

Editor’s Note: So this should keep everyone busy for the weekend! Do yourself a favor and take a look-see at Derek’s insightful input regarding a most-complicated issue. Plus: get a treat at the end for reading. Seriously.

In the Beginning:

Music Obsession is first shaped during your adolescence. No matter when you happened to be a teenager, the albums discovered during this tumultuous time strike a chord that rings in a way no other stage in life can lay claim to. The teenage years represent an event horizon in so many ways for a kid, and this especially holds true to their musical taste. This is when lines are defined, and where you decide if you like listening to music, or if you HAVE to listen to music. The turn from casual to obsessive becomes apparent here, and usually follows the individual for the rest of their cursed life.

Don’t be fooled though: the music obsessed freak puts in a lot of work to get the way they are. Countless hours of crate digging, alphabetizing, categorizing, and general upkeep of their collections, both analog and digital, are done to keep their catalog fresh, and their knowledge deep. Much like people assume professional athletes are just “naturally” good at what they do, people assume the music freak just has a knack for liking good music, and often missed in their assessment is the work and dedication that goes into their knowledge and passion.

Despite the teenage years being an ever rich compost for your musical love to grow, the taste can often range on the juvenile side. We’ve all had a ska phase, or really loved a punk/metal band and that shaped who we were for a piece of time, however there’s nothing sadder than an aging punk rocker, and eventually tastes must change and evolve. The one constant in the process is the thrill of discovering something new, and the ever morphing debate of “Best of…” lists, that seem best done by music freaks. This concept was popularized in the movie adaptation of the Nick Hornsby book High Fidelity, and is an arena the music freak both adores and loathes.

The Category:

I know I’m taking the long way to get to my list, but I think that compliments this whole diatribe in a positive way. Making these lists, no matter what they entail, can often be a painstaking endeavor because of how personal the music is to the freak. You grow to love and know these albums, songs, and bands as if they were a best friend, and when there’s a limit to the list, there are feelings sure to be hurt. A labor of love indeed.

So below I submit to you the three greatest back-to-back-back albums released by a band/performer. This list was beyond hard for me and for whatever reason, I couldn’t justify putting anything very contemporary up there. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t escape the goddamn 60’s, fucken baby boomers win again. Maybe part of me feels like there has to be the justification of time applied to my mad scientist equation, and like all musical lists I’ve made, this is likely to change within the month, and instantly upon posting I’ll think of a band omitted, and shake my head in disappointed disbelief.

Why Best Three Albums?

The reason I chose the best three back-to-back-back albums is because having three kick ass records in a row shows sustainability. There’s a shit ton of bands that have released a good album, and a lot of those bands have even released a decent follow-up. However even this can be rare. What I’m talking about here is three all-time great albums released in a row. Not OK albums, but GREAT albums. These three albums will represent the pinnacle of the bands career, and as we all know, things always look and sound better when you’re standing at an apex.

The List:

So for better or worse, here’s my list, be sure to let me know how safe it was, and what yours would be. But enough of my jabbering already, it’s time to flip the record.

1) The Beatles (1966 – 1968): Not only are each and everyone one of these albums an absolute classic, but they each pushed the boundaries of music at the time in an unyielding way. From the music, to production, down to the album art, these albums are almost perfect. The Beatles have always been, and will always be the best band ever to live in my opinion. Choosing these three albums was by far the easiest part of making this list.

a. Revolver – 1966: The Beatles used the creative momentum developed with Rubber Soul and built splendidly upon it. They, like every rock band on the scene, were pushed hard during this time because of the Beach Boys‘ wonderful Pet Sounds. The Beatles really started pushing their artistic vision as a result. Screw Elvis, Brian Wilson was their worthy adversary. This album erased any boy band memories with sophisticated tracks such as “Eleanor Rigby” and “Tomorrow Never Knows”, and even the album art is hinting towards what would be their future psychedelic aspirations, with 1967 just around the corner. This is also the first album ever to double track vocals, which was revolutionary at the time. The experimentation with Indian music of all things pop-up (later copied by The Stones) was another first as you began to finally see Harrison finally step out of the shadows of John and Paul.

b. Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band – 1967: This is, and will forever be the most iconic album cover of all time. It’s a work of pop genius with no close rival. For this album The Beatles turned Abbey Road into a sonic playground making their muse themselves. The entire concept of the fictional Lonely Hearts Club Band was in fact to replace them from actually having to tour. This is also where The Beatles started playing with their own mythology, such as having the ‘Paul?’ shaped guitar, which was in reference to him being “dead”, placed coyly on the cover. Each song on this album is an instant classic, and “A Day in the Life” is most likely the best song to end an album….well…..ever. (Man I say things like that a lot with The Beatles). Also of note, this is the first album to actually have the lyrics printed on it, helping The Beatles break even further ground yet again.

c. The Beatles (The White Album) – 1968: The White Album lacks the cohesiveness of past albums, however that’s what becomes its strength when listening to, and ends up making it the best ever. I’ve listened to The White Album more than any other album and still can’t get enough of it. From “Rocky Raccoon” to “Yer Blues” to “Revolution 9” this album represents the best of all The Beatles. While it wasn’t truly recorded together, and it may represent what is the beginning of the end for them, it still captures the beauty and spirit that is The Beatles. “Martha My Dear” oozes with the vaudvilism of Paul, while “Long, Long, Long” epitomizes the mystic and hopefulness in George. Lennon’s “Happiness is a Warm Gun” may be his best Beatle song of all time, and even Ringo’s “Good Night” has the cheese and charm that only Starr could pull off to close the album. This being a double LP helps it serve as the “Grand Finale” of this three album run. With the plain white cover serving as the perfect compliment to the detail and mystery of Peppers.

2) Bob Dylan (1965 – 1966): I consider these two years to be the peak of all things done by Dylan. He’s had great songs/albums before and after this period; however this is when he reached his most raw, angry, and beautiful. He’s also hands down the best lyricist of all time, and his control over language is dominant in this trio.

a. Bringing It All Back Home – 1965: What’s the coolest thing about this album? That there’s both and acoustic and electric side, with the electric side being the first of his career. This is also the album which spawned the controversial “Newport Electric” controversy, which basically was Dylan taking advantage of his own identity, and not letting others pigeonhole him into a mold. Track One on both sides may be the best track one’s Dylan’s ever had with “Subterranean Homesick Blues” (Side 1) and “Mr. Tambourine Man” (Side 2), and I’d dare say STHB may be his best track ever, as this album really started to fuse both folk and rock, and helped solidify Dylan’s demigod status.

b. Highway 61 Revisited – 1965: This is my favorite Dylan album ever, and may be the album that represented his greatest amount of change with him being fully backed by a rock band for the first time. This album was also released in the same freaking year as ‘Bringing It All Back Home’ which is goddamn ridiculous, amazing, and unfair. “Like a Rolling Stone” and “Tombstone Blues” kick off this album with a fervor, and what I may like best about the album is the accusatory tone Dylan has throughout it. He’s preaching from the pulpit with passion here, and he doesn’t quit, nor care how long he needs to go on for (see “Desolation Row” – 11:21). Even Dylan admits it’s his best saying, “I’m not gonna be able to make a record better than that one… Highway 61 is just too good. There’s a lot of stuff on there that I would listen to.”

c. Blonde on Blonde – 1966: A full two years before The Beatles dropped The White Album, Dylan became the first rocker to release a double LP, and that LP was Blonde on Blonde. This is one of those albums that I plan on buying for my unborn child as soon as they’re old enough to begin appreciating music (along with The White Album). While I like Highway… better, there’s something about the tone of this album that resonates in a warm way with me. Dylan again hits the ground running with “Rainy Day Women No. 12 & 35″ where it’s his singing that really makes the song memorable, well….that and of course his lyrics. Side Two may indeed be the strongest of the four with three of my all-time favorite Dylan songs (“I Want You”, “Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat”, and “Just Like a Woman”). This is also right before his fateful motorcycle accident, which ended an era for Dylan, and a pretty damn good one at that.

3) The Rolling Stones (1968 – 1971): While The Beatles may have been more technically sound in all aspects of their music, The Stones had an indefinable cool that The Beatles could never catch. These three albums capture The Stones at their most raw and brilliant, and a lot of it I owe to the production work of Jimmy Miller.

a. Beggars Banquet – 1968: Beggars Banquet is one of the more underrated Stones albums in my book, and I never feel like it gets its just due. This is one of The Stones’ more rootsy and R&B influenced albums, and is a pleasure to enjoy as the rawness of it becomes endearing. The album starts off with the now familiar “Sympathy for the Devil”. The here bass is just so naked and raw, and Mick’s delivery shows why he’s one of the best rock ‘n’ roll front man ever. The build-up of this song with its piano, “woo woo’s”, and tribal percussion, make Keith’s awaited intro piercingly brilliant. Richards always had the perfect tone and attitude associated with his guitars, and Sympathy is a stark example of this. Every song is dripping with soul and sounds like it could be heard in either a back woods bar or in a large stadium. “Jig-Saw Puzzle” is a typical Stones song and again, it’s just wet with cool. Being followed by the anthem of “Street Fighting Man” and then a favorite of mine, “Prodigal Sun”, makes for a strong trio of songs, and an easy reason why to fall in love with this record.

b. Let It Bleed – 1969: If there’s one formula that seems to be consistent with all of these albums it’s that Track 1 on Side 1 has to be kick ass. Let it Bleed’s opener, “Gimmie Shelter” kicks your ass thoroughly. Jagger gives ominous lyrics over an sick mid-tempo riff, and you’re instantly trapped in the grips of Bleed right from the opening note. My favorite quality of The Stones is the respect they seem to have for the roots of rock and blues. Covering a Robert Johnson song is a testament to that, and even their originals such as “Country Honk”) give a very American feel for such a British band. The name and cover of this album are pretty kick ass too, coyly taking a shot at their blood rivals (pun intended), The Beatles. Lastly, “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” is an all-time great of theirs, and is their equivalent to “A Day In the Life”. Such a great last track.

c. Sticky Fingers – 1971: The album cover and name to this classic are completely balls out, and done in a style completely crass, and completely Stones. “Brown Sugar” continues the trend of amazing openers and then is followed by some of their prettiest songs ever recorded, most notably the vastly covered, “Wild Horses”, such a gorgeous song. Directly after that is my favorite Keith Richards lick ever with “Can’t You Hear Me Knocking”. I just learned how to play this (with blisters to prove it) and Keith helped me realize the power of Open G tuning which he’s so famously mastered in numerous songs. And just to show you how on fire the Stone were during this time period their next album was Exile on Main St. ….man, talk about a run. Best four albums in a row? Hah ha.

In Conclusion:

While the above three bands may appear to be über conservative, upon looking at the actual albums, and the songs contained in them, they’re hard to deny. These are household names for a reason, and if they’re not musical heroes of your own, they most likely are your favorite musician’s heroes. They helped shape what pop culture was in the 20th century from music, fashion, and all in-between. That all said, this obviously kicked my ass, and I honestly wasn’t planning on writing a short story on it, it just kinda happened that way, and if you’ve read this far, then you’re obviously a music freak like me. Shit. It’s time to flip that record again; I am after all still a kid at heart, and always playing something, looking for something new. See ya’ll around, keep on digging.

Honorable Mention (in no order):

Yo La Tengo: Painful – 1993, Electr-O-Pura – 1995, & I Can Hear the Heart Beating as One – 1997.

Pink Floyd: The Dark Side of the Moon – 1973, Wish You Were Here – 1975, & Animals – 1977.

The Smiths: The Smiths – 1984, Meat Is Murder – 1985, & The Queen Is Dead – 1986.

Radiohead: The Bends – 1995, OK Computer – 1997, & Kid A – 2000.

The Replacements: Tim – 1985, Pleased To Meet Me – 1987, & Don’t Tell A Soul – 1989

Pavement: Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain – 1994, Wowee Zowee – 1995, & Brighten the Corners – 1997

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Top 3 Most Horrifying Animals Ever

1) Black Widow Spider
2) Great White Shark
3) Black Mamba Snake
Posted by Blob
@ Blob

I sort of feel bad about myself for further perpetuating the already fearful reputations of these “innocent” animals, but these things are seriously scary as shit.

I’ve had a mortal fear of Black Widow Spiders since being introduced to them in a grade school science class. There was a story in our book that talked about a young girl who was bitten in her sleep and died shortly thereafter from the ridiculously potent venom that the Black Widow had injected her with. Honestly, why the fuck would you ever tell that to a six year-old? I had probably just started sleeping in my own bed, too! This is with me for life..

There isn’t anyone in the entire world that doesn’t have a crippling fear of being bitten or eaten alive by a Great White Shark. I mean, everyone saw the hi-res footage of this thing destroying a seal on Planet Earth, right? And look at those teeth!! I don’t care how irrational this fear is; I give up. I hate this animal.

You have to feel sorry for the Snake sometimes as it is constantly thrown under the bus for simply looking, moving, and sounding like a “creepy” animal. But just imagine yourself locked in an empty room with a Black Mamba hissing you to hell, and tell me this thing isn’t appropriately stereotyped. I would immediately start crying.

Your Thoughts?

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